apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
