He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
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I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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