Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
