Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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