We won't sleep together?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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