Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
