I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
