I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
