There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
