i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Found your dick twin last night
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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