Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
