do herpes really smell.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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