i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I look better un-naked...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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