My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
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So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
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Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
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