someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
