My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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