if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
