If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
