God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
