their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
