bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
