It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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