Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
