I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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