I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
