i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
