so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
