you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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