Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
