The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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