I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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