Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
