my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
