Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
