She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
