I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
