Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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