I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
