I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
