break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
