I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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