Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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