wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
