He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
