dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
