best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
