I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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