there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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