I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
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