We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits