I wish my penis had an off switch
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
