Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
