Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
