Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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