It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
