Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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