if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
