More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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