If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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