I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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