college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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