Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
