I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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