ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
