I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
