I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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