We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
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walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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