He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
