Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
