he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Houston, we have a blender
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
